Things You Shouldn’t Say to Women TTC

Trying to get pregnant can be a rollercoaster of emotions for women. Especially if the journey involves any long length of time or infertility. The longer a woman goes trying for a little one to call her own, the more worried she may become. For some women, there can be intense heartbreak and loss along the way. For these reasons (and so many more), this is a very sensitive topic of discussion and one where you’d hope people would refrain from saying anything insensitive. But alas, people DO say hurtful things even when they mean well. Here are 10 things you shouldn’t say to women trying to conceive (TTC).


“Don’t try so hard” or “Relax, it will happen”

Unless you have access to a crystal ball that reveals everything that could ever happen, you don’t know that it “will happen.” And if a woman has had many failed attempts at conceiving a child, relaxing becomes nearly impossible.

“You should just adopt instead.”

Do you hear that? It’s a balloon full of a thousand dreams losing air at a heartbreakingly slow speed. Don’t dash a woman’s dream of conceiving her own biological child. And don’t minimize how arduous and expensive the adoption process can be. Some couples don’t have the resources or emotional strength to consider adoption. This can be a complicated journey for many.

“If you’re meant to have a baby, it will happen.”

Annnnnddd, if you’re not meant to have a baby, then what? Geez. Talk about a dream killer. Pretty sure every woman felt it was “meant to be” when she met her person or prepared for bringing a baby into the dynamic. This sentiment falls under the category of “means well but can cause resentment.”

“Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”

Facepalm.

“I got pregnant by accident. We weren’t even trying.”

Slow clap for you, sister, followed by internal seething for any woman who hears this. Really happy for your “oops” but we don’t need to know that you miraculously get pregnant when your partner just looks at you.

“Is it him or you that can’t have kids?”

Blank stare. Did any part of you filter that one through the appropriate meter before saying it?

“Have you prayed? Everything happens in God’s timing.”

This advice pertains to people who believe God answers the prayers of the faithful. This does not apply to every person as there are varying degrees of faith and it’s private to each individual. When you aren’t sure what a person believes, it’s best to proceed with caution for this type of comment.

“You can always do IVF!”

Wow, who knew that fertility treatments were such a treat! And inexpensive. And not a last ditch effort for women who are desperate enough to try anything. If you don’t know anything about the IVF process again, it’s just, no.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, but, I’m pregnant.”

“Hmm…I’m happy for you?” What she really means is ‘deep down I’m feeling a stab of jealousy and thoughts of why can’t it be me, but I’m going to shove it down and hope you don’t notice because this is your moment and we need to celebrate. But, ouch.’

And after the moment finally arrives, “I told you it would happen!”

Just puh-leese for the love of all that is good, don’t go there. Be happy for the person whose dream is finally coming true. At this stage of the journey, opinions are truly off limits.

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